If You're Gone
by Mage of the Clouds
Summary: A short songfic about Rory missing Tristan and what she does about it. Set to the song "If You're Gone" by Matchbox 20. You know the drill, please r/r!


Author's Note: I solemnly believe that the author's not is the most important part of any fic, or in my case a song fic. I mean everyone has to read this to get to the read story! So..HI! This takes place a few weeks after Tristan's departure and 2 weeks before Christmas. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. But I do know positively that there will be a companion songfic to this one and possibly a continuing story. Keep on the lookout! And remember, Please be kind, review! (So what if it doesn't rhyme like the stickers on the rental movies? I try!)  
  
Disclaimer: if I owned the cast of Gilmore Girls or just Rory and Tristan and the band Matchbox 20 where would I put them? And why would I be sitting here writing? I'd be living it up! But alas I'm not. So anywho, I definitely don't own Rory or Tristan, they belong to Amy. Matchbox 20's song "If You're Gone" belongs to Matchbox 20 and whoever owns them.  
  
If You're Gone  
  
Rory dejectedly sat down on the bed. What a weekend to look forward too. Her mom had three "friendly, fun" dates lined up and Lane had a report due on Monday. It looked like she would be alone. Again. She pondered what she should drown her sorrows in, Reddi-Whip and ice cream, with a tad of Tom Cruise or popcorn, soda, with a flavoring of some Freddie Prince Jr. Sighing sorrowfully she knew that none of those things, good as they were, wouldn't help her. She was in a state of depression and she didn't know why. Dean, no that had been her decision. He wanted too much for her, and was too possessive. Tristan, nah, major nah..Tristan? Well, it was a given that she missed the lively banter, and cutting remarks, always skirting around something too big for them to handle right then and there. There were, or used to be, a fixture at Chilton. "Arguing Rory and Tristan, " they were coined by some of the more observant members of the prestigious school. And now it was just Rory. "Oh hell," she blurted out, "I miss him." But missing just a classmate wouldn't have produced such a pain in the soul and weakness in the heart. Sighing, with a breath she collapsed into an overstuffed chair and began to analyze her thoughts, something she did when she was distraught. She recalled his last, truly meaningful words to her. "I'd kiss you goodbye, but your boyfriend's watching." And she recalled the pain in his eyes when she had told him that their one, singular kiss had meant nothing to her. She should have said something, comforted him, but she had been to weak to battle against their past differences. She had been a fool.  
  
  
  
I think I've already lost you  
  
I think you're already gone.  
  
I think I'm finally scared now  
  
You think I'm weak - But I think you're wrong  
  
I think you're already leaving  
  
Feels like your hand is on the door  
  
I thought this place was an empire  
  
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure  
  
  
  
Dean and her were over. He said that she no longer loved him, if she had at all, and he could tell when she was around Tristan. He said he thought that she never even loved him. Rory thought that perhaps that was true, she just wanted to be with someone. So instead of participating in the loves me/ loves me not debacle that was sure to ensue, she just cut it off. Sure it was uncharacteristic of her, but she didn't feel like arguing with someone that she wasn't sure she even wanted to be around. Who knows what she was thinking. "You do!" a little voice in her head shouted. Did she like him? Was she attracted to him? Nah. Was she? Did she miss him? And that she was finally able to answer with a positive yes. Then she realized all the answers to her questions were yes. Now what would she do?  
  
I think you're so mean - I think we should try  
  
I think I could need - this in my life  
  
I think I'm just scared - I think too much  
  
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing  
  
Once again she put her mind in reverse to Shakespeare Night. What had she done after? Oh yes, she had gone to Luke's briefly and then went home, in the beginning of the state of her depression, spurred by an unknown or not so unknown happening. The house was empty and her mom had stayed to discuss Bed and Breakfast Plans with Sookie. She rattled around the barren house aimlessly looking for something to do. She had even tried to alphabetize her books and organize her closet. That's when she saw it. The dress she had worn on the fateful night of Louise's party. Gingerly, she lifted its hanger on which it rested and brought it up to her face. Inhaling, she caught an unmistakable whiff of him cologne. He was still with her, in a way.  
  
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home  
  
There's an awful lot of breathing room  
  
But I can hardly move  
  
If you're gone - baby you need to come home  
  
Cuz there's a little bit of something me  
  
In everything in you  
  
She pondered why she had pushed him away, why she didn't recognize their obvious attraction to each other. Perhaps she wasn't focused on the electricity they created when they brushed against each other or the amazing sensation she felt when she kissed. She had been focused on the little things, her petty faults. How could she have been so cruel and said that she hated him? His social decline into the life of an uncaring prankster and been spurred by something and now she knew what it was. How could she do, say something like that? And now he was gone, gone. That's when she decided that she was going to do it. Apologize, write a letter. Whatever it took. Hell, she would even call that prison of a school. She knew he could probably use some non-organized entertainment and that is exactly what her letter would be, with an apology of course.  
  
I bet you're hard to get over  
  
I bet the room just won't shine  
  
I bet my hands I can stay here  
  
I bet you need - more than you mind  
  
Picking up a pen, Rory began to do what she did best, write. But this time the words did not come easily to her. She wanted to ask him so many questions, but she also wanted him to write back. That meant that she couldn't let her frustrations get the best of her. Finally, she had gotten into her familiar writing groove. The words flowed from her pen, All the unspoken, unanswered questions that haunted her mind. Why did he torment her? Why did he kiss her? Why did she kiss back? Okay, maybe she didn't write that one down but she could still wonder. She even put in the letter about her and Dean. Why did she want to tell him? Did she want to torment him? Or did she want him to come running back to her? Did she want Tristan in her arms? She again picked up the pen and scrawled, "Tristan I'm feeling very confused, and now that you're gone, more than ever. I don't know what I want or why I'm writing too. Maybe I felt guilty about what I said to you? You do know that I don't hate you right? I guess I just really wanted another chance to be with Dean. Please forgive me."  
  
I think you're so mean - I think we should try  
  
I think I could need - this in my life  
  
I think I'm just scared - that I know too much  
  
I can't relate and that's a problem  
  
I'm feeling  
  
Then she wrote something that she never expected. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, that I miss you and I hope that you can come home for Christmas. If you do manage to come home, please try and come. You know where I am." With those last words she quickly scribbled her name, almost indecipherably and stuffed the letter into an envelope. Pondering the "what ifs," she suddenly lost courage. What if he read her letter and laughed? Showed it to his new band of followers that he most likely had already acquired. But then she looked at that Tristan scented dress, and her courage returned. She would do it.  
  
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home  
  
There's an awful lot of breathing room  
  
But I can hardly move  
  
If you're gone - baby you need to come home  
  
cuz there's a little bit of something me  
  
In everything in you  
  
Walking outside in the brisk December air, Rory wondered if she would be hearing from, or even seeing Tristan soon. The letter in her hands, still unsealed posed the question. It was up to her now. Reaching the corner mailbox, she debated within herself. To send, or not to send. That was the question she faced. Then she remembered his injured face at her kiss comment. She remembered the dress. And his parting words. This had to be done and would be done. Sticking out her tongue, she sealed the envelope and dropped it in before she could reconsider. Sighing, she set off for home, prepared to wait for the reply, of there was one.  
  
I think you're so mean - I think we should try  
  
I think I could need - this in my life  
  
I think I'm just scared - do I talk too much  
  
I know it's wrong it's a problem I'm dealing  
  
  
  
  
  
I know I probably could have chose a more appropriate song, but I just really like this one and can relate to it. Oh, if anyone knows what the whole ff.net flavoring system if about. Email me at CoolCat1811@excite.com. And now I COMMAND you to review! Mwhahahahaha. 


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